What Batman and Superman need to learn about Civil War

Marvel and DC released the same film last summer. Sure, they had different characters, a different tone, and a different title, but they had the same theme: Civil War, one superhero against the other, Batman against Superman and Captain America against Iron Man. Yet, only one of these plots actually worked, can you guess which one? 

That's right! Marvel prevails over DC again, but did we ever doubt that? Marvel has spent so much time methodically writing their storylines to tie in multiple heroes and villains into one universe. They committed to this over a long 10 year period. DC took a shortcut, trying to cram in emotional relevance towards a new Batman whose storyline diverges from the Dark Knight trilogy completely. 

While I enjoyed parts of Batman Vs. Superman, it felt like a whole franchise stuffed into one film.   The most interesting character of the film, Wonder Woman, only appeared in the last thirty minutes. Batman’s new obsession with guns, the weird FLASH forward scene warning Bruce Wayne about somebody that doesn’t even tie into this storyline, and the introduction of a poor CGI version of Doomsday were all things the film could have done without. This movie was supposed to be focused on Batman versus Superman, but derailed into a sappy dual “Momma Martha” brotherly bonding film. 

Captain America lived up to the expectation and masterfully introduced new characters without overshadowing the veterans in screen time. It gave us what was promised, a true Civil War of heroes wh
ere you had one foot on either side of the battles. Since you understood the characters and their developmental process over the course of 10 films, you could reasonably see each of their points of view. 

Civil War
What I like about both of these films was that they addressed the big elephant in the room, the massive deaths of civilians. When I first saw Man of Steel, I was flabbergasted with how many innocent victims were killed in the process of this alien war. It seemed as if that was never going to be discussed, but luckily it was the main topic of Batman Vs. Superman. The same goes for The Avengers: Age of Ultron. So many victims, innocent bystanders were murdered for our enjoyment. It got to the point where with these films you forget people are people. So this is the main focal point of Captain America: Civil War. Superheroes need to be controlled or else they become a threat to humanity rather than an ally. Tony Stark and Superman agree with this, but Captain America and Batman do not. This is where the war begins. 

What DC can learn from Marvel

1) Don't push a civil war on us with new characters. This was a new Batman. Christopher Nolan's Batman never would have played with guns. The introduction of Wonder Woman is great, but don't get her involved in a Civil War storyline yet. We barely know her and want to like her. Yes, Marvel introduced Black Panther, but gave us a badass motorcycle chase before we got to the Civil War battle to make us like him, which we did from the moment he came onscreen. 

2) Don't have the war end by the characters mother having the same name. Okay I get it, their mothers have the same name. How does that make them relatable? They disagree on something much deeper than their mother's. If you want to make a strong connection between them then either make them have the same mother or focus the connection on loss of parents. Simply hearing the common name of Martha should not make Batman question his existence and stop beating up Superman. Captain America played out this brotherly connection well where we discover that the Winter Soldier murdered Tony Stark's parents and the Captain knew about it. That's a way to start a war, but still ends on respectable terms with a beautiful letter written to Tony from the Cap.

3) Pick your war audience.  If you are a rated R movie then live up to it! Batman was a rated R film shredded of its character to make it PG-13. Apparently, Suicide Squad had the same problem. Pick your audience DC. You are not Marvel, so if you want to make a darker series for adults then do it. Don't limit your ideas just because you want tweens in the theaters. As a tween I still made my way into the theater to see Scream when it first came out. They always find a way! 

At the end of the day, DC is light years away from doing what Marvel has done. At least they are trying, but my word of advice is to try harder!

Moana: Family, Nature, and Trump
*SPOILER ALERT
©2016 Disney. All Rights Reserved.

Disney has made some bold statements in 2016 in terms of prejudice (Zootopia), disabilities (Finding Dory), and the destruction of Nature (Moana).

As Moana takes the hero’s journey, the story unfolding around her is much deeper than saving the day. The security of the entire ecosystem falls on her shoulders. A thousand years after the demigod, Maui, steals the heart of the Goddess Te Fiti, the world begins to decay. The fish disappear, the plants die, coconuts rot, and islands are blackened.

Moana is the chosen one called to bring balance to the earth and return the heart to the Goddess of Nature.

This is a beautiful story with a powerful theme. Yet, it's another film about the human destruction of nature. Moana portrays boldly and beautifully what M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening” (or what I’ve renamed as “The Crappening”) could not. It makes the case that, when in danger, Nature has the freedom and the creative right to fight back; however, not in an angry or irrational way, but simply in a naturalistic way like an animal defending its life.

The main theme in the movie is missed though, at least from all the reviews I have been reading. In the beginning of the film Maui goes to reclaim the heart of Te Fiti because he wants to bring to mankind the ability to create anything, a power that is not deserved of man. For this kind of creation would mean that man would be able to control the earth, when the earth is not an object to be used. The earth is living, breathing, and life giving. The Earth calls to a deep relationship with man where there is altruistic reciprocity rather than dominance.  A healthy relationship does not work out that way or at least don't work out well. We can't have the power to dominate nature, rather we must work with nature in a partnership. For both man and nature are working for the same thing, the same being… the same creator. God called Adam to till and guard the garden. He probably never thought he would have to defend it against his own humanity.

To abuse nature is like allowing your child to draw on a Dali painting, using it for scrap paper rather than allowing it's natural beauty to be absorbed by all for generations.

Maui doesn't understand this because he has been blinded by the effects of his own human history, so he takes the heart and causes Te Fiti to transform into a vicious monster. She does so, not because she wants to, but because nature robbed of it's naturalistic creation is the very description of chaos, a void blackened landfill that the Greeks spoke about. The most trifling thing is not that Maui actually stole the heart of Nature, but rather why he stole it.

Maui was a human once and was abandoned by his family. An orphan who was alone in search of belonging was found by the Gods and raised as one of them, given power as a demigod. With his unquenchable desire to please humanity due to its own rejection, he stole the heart as a gift. He did it to simply feel loved.

How simplistic his reasoning, yet how devastating the consequences. When it comes to the most fundamental aspects of creation, human life and nature, we have become so willing to rob them of their life-giving attributes for personal gain, glory, or simple applause. The irony in Maui’s plot is that he believed that humanity did not have the power to create to begin with when in reality humanity was blessed with the greatest gift, the power to create and cultivate human life in peaceful coherence with nature.

Which brings me to the Trump Administration. While there is a plethora of topics for Trump to tackle, Moana brings up two that are so intrinsically connected, to separate them would be a travesty: family and climate change. They go hand in hand. For the destruction of the family is destruction of nature itself. As John Paul II said, “The family is the nucleus of society.” If we want a better nation than we have to develop our families, from those in our impoverished cities without clean drinking water or school materials to our middle class and even the 1%. If we want a strong national change on our climate crisis, then we need a leader who is going to help us put back the heart we humans have stolen.

We have not seen this sense of leadership from Trump so far. No passionate father of a daughter speaks about women with a gravitas of indecency the way he does. So I’m afraid the role model of our country's family-life is in jeopardy. And we know that he believes that climate change is a hoax developed by the Chinese despite the fact that 2016 has been the hottest year on earth in recorded history followed by 2015 and 2014. So we find ourselves at risk to these cataclysmic effects on the nature of our humanity. But just as Moana proved to be the one who could put back the heart without the help of the demigod, so too can our nation take the hero’s journey for our families and our environment.

I think we all pray that Moana speaks to Trump’s heart when she sings at the end “This is not who you are” shattering his Twitter-obsessed facade and revealing a man who places the care of 350 million people above his 350 million dollar ego.
Dear McDonald’s - A Thank you Note




Thank you McDonalds for artistically telling us millennials that all along we have been eating second hand chicken turds processed inside a brown potato sack-like cover you call a breaded coating. 
(Drives up to the drive-thru)

Thank you for believing that we are gullible enough to fall for your artistic rouse thus allowing ourselves to once again be placed under your spell through your new commercial which acts as a reminder of how delicious our childhood obesity was beneath your Arches. 
(Places the order, "Only 20 piece huh? You don't have a 50 piece bucket?")

Thank you for insisting that we pass along our addiction to our offspring in hopes that they too will have a place to demand us to take them when our spaghetti sauce is runny or just anytime we put them in a car. 
("Okay, just give me two 20's and a four piece for my kid. Sauce?”)

Thank you McDonalds for your authenticity in admitting you have poisoned us for years by using the adverb "now" in your new chicken nugget tag line, "NOW with real white meat and no preservatives”. What about then?! 
("Sweet and Sour all day!")

Thank you for your consistently masked belligerence in your advertising through the use of Olympians who are probably eating a vegan burger cooked on Jason Mraz's farm instead of that heart attack you call a Big Mac. 
(Bites into a nugget and sheds a tear.)

And finally, thank you McDonalds for proving that you don’t need a clown in your ads anymore to remind us of who we are as your patrons.  
(Guiltily admits he preferred the nuggets with the GMO’s. Nothing like the classics.)
What We Can Learn from Zootopia about Complacency
 
**SPOILER ALERT
Zootopia follows Judy Hopps, a passionate rabbit with moral integrity beyond her years, who, with all odds stacked against her, becomes a police officer. She teams up with a Fox named Nick Wilde, a popsicle pushing street hustler, to locate one of several missing mammals, but uncovers a perpetrator transforming civilized animals back into "savage" predators who lose control of mind, thought, and consciousness. 
 
It's pretty heavy for a Disney film. Prejudice, race, culture, and drug trafficking are all packed in there and you could read about those issues in a myriad of reviews. So I won't go into topics you can read elsewhere, but I will link a few great reviews I believe discuss the topic well at the end of this article.
 
I liked Zootopia. I thought there were some very positive messages for kids, but mainly for adults. I was struck by the philosophy of how developing a sound work ethic can triumph over complacency.   
 
Complacency is a feeling of being satisfied with how things are and not wanting to try and make them better. In essence, it is the unwillingness to cultivate or embrace new ideas into your life, especially in your work environment. If you don't change, you don't evolve, you just stop learning for the sake of learning. Zootopia tackles complacency in several ways. 
 
Judy's parents - Family
Nick Wilde - Society
Mayor Lionheart - Government
 
 
Familial Complacency
There is nothing more blatantly expressed in this film than familial complacency. Judy’s parents are carrot farmers with over 275 children. Everyone in their family has been involved with carrot farming because it's a safe and familiar career. There are no risks. Her dad even says, “See that’s the beauty of complacency Jude. If you don’t ever try anything new, you'll never fail.” Her families core value is complacency. 
 
Complacent families can lead to prejudice. Judy's parents are nice people, but they have a prejudice against predators, particularly Foxes. They don't like them or trust them. In their community, Foxes are portrayed as ignorant malicious animals with low IQ's. Judy is attacked by one as a child, Gideon Grey, for standing up to him after he was bullying a group of sheep. He slashed her in the face to make his point that no bunny would ever become a cop. This is important because Judy's entire experience with Fox have to do with the ones she has only ever seen. Which is why when she meets Nick Wilde, a highly intelligent Fox, she talks down to him calling him a "real articulate fella". 
 
Even though Judy is different from her family, she struggles with the complacency of culture ingrained in her personality. She acknowledges that Gideon was a jerk and that she knew rabbits who were jerks as well. Yet, she still has a fear of Fox even though she truly believes that anyone can be anything in Zootopia. With support from her parents though, she rises above her family's fear of the unknown as the first Bunny to break away from their culture, but is still compelled to carry her Fox repellant with her everyday on the job. Familial complacency runs deep. If you settle for all you ever know then you will miss all the beauty in the unknown. Ultimately, you carry complacent behavior into the workplace. How does Judy battle this? She works hard in her police academy to prove her family and culture wrong. 
 
 
Societal Complacency
Nick Wilde is a hustler on the streets of Zootopia. He is the product of his society, one of bullying, prejudice, and corruption. Zootopia claims to be a place where anyone can be anything, but Nick proves that there is deeper complacent issues on hand. Ever since he was muzzled by a group of Cub Scouts when he was a child, he became a corrupt popsicle hustler working on the streets since the age of 12. He never changed who he was or had any intention of changing. Because of the muzzle attack Nick said he learned that "If the worlds only going to see fox as shifty and untrustworthy there's no point in trying to be anything else." He was complacent because society was complacent. He began getting involved with Mr. Big, leader of the Mousy Mafia, and became a con-artist simply because that's what society expected fo him. 
 
Nick always saw a lesser version of himself. When he first meets Judy he tells her "Everyone comes to Zootopia thinking they can be anything they want, but they can only be what they are." In Nick's case he is referring to stereotypes, him as a sly Fox and Judy as a dumb bunny. 
 
The Zootopian society that promises freedom from familial complacency is corrupt with prejudice of its own. The ice cream shop that Nick tries in to buy a jumbo pop from refuses to serve him because he is a Fox. Benjamin, the police officer that first meets Judy, calls her "cute", a stereotype only other bunnies are allowed to use for each other. There is a disconnection between the mammals of Zootopia, one that Nick Wilde was a victim of until he connected with Judy. 
 
There is a work ethic that Judy reveals to Nick that helps him overcome his complacency. Judy doesn't merely accept societies placement of her or Nick. She owns her mediocre responsibilities until they transform into grand responsibilities. Ownership thinking. Instead of meeting her ticket quota as a meter maid she exceeds it to prove to herself that she is more than her mundane tasks. She shows Nick his own individual value by believing in him when the rest of society cast him out for being himself. She shows him that the effort he puts into being a hustler is better spent on enforcing diversity rather than conforming to societal complacency.
 
For the first time in his life Nick believes he can be better by simply being himself especially when presented with the idea that he could be more than a hustler, like a Police Officer. How do Judy and Nick battle societal complacency? They go against the expectations of Bunny and Fox and team up to take down the government conspiracy. 
 
Government Complacency
Mayor Lionheart's Mammal Inclusion Initiative is front and center in the battle of government complacency. Judy becomes the first Rabbit Police Officer as a result of this new law. On the surface this initiative to include all mammals into the professional workplace seems like bold change for Zootopia whose police force is made up of mostly predators, but it is a mirage.  
 
The Mammal Inclusion Initiative was not established for the benefit of the citizens of Zootopia, but for the political advancement of Mayor Lionheart. This becomes clear when we discover that predators are starting to turn savage and attack innocent victims. The Mayor was willing to lock up the infected animals rather than seek appropriate solutions or treatments because of his complacency towards his own biology as well as the government’s complacency for the sake of controlling mass panic. 
 
There is clear prejudice within the city and mostly from prey. The prey become the predators in this new society. It is similar to Christians who bomb abortion clinics. It goes against their own message and stance. In Zootopia, anyone cannot be anything because the city is made up of 95% prey who look down upon the 5% of predators. The government is complacent to change this because of their fear of uprising as most of their police force is dominated by predators. 
 
It is revealed that Mayor Lionheart's assistant Mayor, (Belwether) a Sheep, is behind the conspiracy of transforming predators into savages. The fact that the outbreak began within the organization is testament to the complacency on the issue of predator and prey. 
 
Complacency is a choice
In the end, complacency is always a choice. Sometimes we make it as an individual sometimes as a group, but complacency is always in our control. We can accept things how they are or muster up the courage to "try everything" even though it could result in failure. 
 
 
Other Reviews 
 
 
 
 
How Passion Eats Mediocrity - Chef Film Review


**Spoiler Alert
In the film Chef, Jon Favreau shines as Carl Casper, a famous Miami Chef, who after receiving a bad review from a food blogger reconciles his passion for food with his passion for life. It is a feel good film that tingles the taste buds while warming the heart. In a country where 55% of the workforce is dissatisfied with their current job (Forbes), Chef provides the secret to transforming worker engagement; believe you can touch people's lives with what you do. 

I am a believer in working hard. Hard work is not just good for your employer, but it is the foundation of your very character. There are so many people who work with mediocrity. I remember being a mediocre employee, working the bare minimum because I felt I wasn't paid enough to go the extra mile. Habitual mediocrity will lead you to a mediocre character. The expectations you place on yourself will soon become mediocre and any energy you expel towards your bigger goals in life will become mediocre as well. The big problem with the "bare minimum" mentality is that it seeps into who you are and how you perform outside of work. What's the answer? Passion.

Carl Casper is a passionate Chef. He loves his craft and puts in the extra hours to prove it, so many hours that he loses his family in the process, his ex-wife Inez (Sofia Vergara) and his son Percy (Emjay Anthony). Their divorce creates a father and son divergence and rather than invest in one-on-one time with Percy, Carl invests in "filler" time. He avoids any meaningful conversations with his son by taking him out to perform frivolous activities during their father/son bonding weekends. This is a result of Carl's dissatisfaction at work. The more disengaged he is at his job the more disengaged he is with his family. 

Even though Chef Carl loves cooking, he is one of the 55% of disengaged employees. Before his restaurant’s major food critique, his boss, played by Dustin Hoffman, refuses to allow Carl to express his culinary artistry. So, instead of creating a new menu for the critic (Oliver Platt), Hoffman actively disengages Chef Casper by telling him to stick to what they have been serving for the last five years. As a result of this decision, the food blogger bashes the restaurant and most particularly Chef Casper resulting in a Twitter war that ultimately defame’s his reputation.

With his life falling apart, his ex-wife Inez gives Carl the most practical advise he ever receives. She tells him to stop focusing on the fame awarded by the life a celebrity Chef and go back to doing what he is most passionate about, cooking. So Chef Carl Casper buys a food truck and starts making food his way on his terms. He brings along his good friend and partner Martin (John Leguizamo) and his son to travel across the nation for the summer in a cultural culinary adventure. All of a sudden Chef Casper’s passion for food starts to positively affect everyone around him. He begins to bond with his son in a way he never had before. Percy becomes his marketing manager by posting their food truck locations on social media ahead of time and generating buzz. Carl reconnects with his ex-wife and even inspires the food critic who destroys his reputation to invest in his new company. 

Chef shows us that if we are not satisfied with our work, it is in our control to fill our lives with Passion. You visually see Carl's energy change in the film from a stressed out laborer, working for a manipulative restaurant owner to a passionate human being who is fully alive. You don't have to be living out your dream to work with passion. In fact, the more passion you infuse into your current work, the better character you will develop to equip you for your dream job. Perform your current job responsibilities with the same passion of what you really love to do. Incorporate your talents into your job and you will leave your shift with more energy than what you invested in that day. I love public speaking, especially when I get to motivate others. You can ask my wife, when I come home from a training program after I have spoken all day, I'll have a more positive energy than the days I come home after working in front of a computer. 

You have passion and you can incorporate it into your work no matter how boring it may be. Never settle for mediocrity. You are unique and unrepeatable. Your ideas matter. Add music to your office, come up with new initiatives, request to redecorate the employee lounge, offer to take new staff pictures, or pitch your idea for a manager retreat. Whatever you are Passionate about, think of how you can infuse it into your daily tasks.

Chef will not only place in you a hunger for delicious food, but will offer spiritual satiety for a passionate soul.

Further Reading: Why Chef is Evil
"Black Tap and the Experience Illusion"

So aside from the film industry, I am in the business of creating positive guest experiences through hospitable Storytelling. At the Biltmore Hotel in Miami, Florida, we create experiences that are so impactful, the guest is compelled to share their story with someone else via word of mouth or social media. Retrieving these positive stories is only possible through our commitment to serve with deep empathy and passion. The Biltmore has an outstanding product that demands outstanding service, else that product would be devalued. The stories we create are only as good as our service. If a guest reads a great story about our Fontana restaurant, decides to try it out, but receives terrible service, the experience is disparaged. Experts say we are living in an "Experience Economy", where experiences outweigh mere services and goods; but after what I witnessed last weekend, I believe we are moving towards a "Social-Experience Economy", where the digital experience is more profound than the live one. However, does this make the experience worth paying for?

Black Tap
Last weekend I was in New York City with my family. My sister had been psyched to try this place called Black Tap Craft Burgers and Shakes (+Black Tap) ever since she started following them on Instagram and saw them on Buzzfeed. They had been posting pictures of their food for a while and have become known for their gourmet burgers and decorative milk shakes. Even the Weeknd showed up... but not during our weekend. Sorry. His name... I had to.

The Weeknd enjoying his Cookie Shake +Black Tap 
Their social marketing campaign proved successful the moment we arrived. If we wanted a much-desired seat in this SOHO sweet spot, we'd have to wait in a two-and-a-half hour line just to get in. Two-and-a-half-hours, folks. As my wife's students would ask #isthisreallife?

Five of us, plus my two-year-old daughter, committed to this line. Anyone who attempts this with a two-year-old should check themselves into a mental hospital. Luckily, we have the coolest daughter on the planet and she held up for that long. So many times we contemplated just skipping the line, but something about the experience compelled us to stay (blame those Instagram filters). We wanted to try those decorative milkshakes, we stared at and discussed Black Tap's social media pages) and the closer we were the more the anticipation grew. (My wife would like me to point out that she was highly-absolutely-positively against this line from the beginning and even suggested other restaurants.) But the rest of us knew that the great reviews, the amazing pictures, and the long lines couldn't be wrong about this place.

Finally our time came, just under the two hour mark (how cool were we)! We were escorted into the pub and seated at the bar. They had hooks for our bags and outlets to charge our phones. There was a full bar with local craft beers. Amazing right? With our stomachs grumbling, our two-year-old breathing a sigh of relief to finally get to color, and our phones plugged in to ensure enough battery life to socially document every detail, we perused the menu and prepared to order. With all of the hype about this place we assumed the service was going to be top notch, but to our surprise, the service was mediocre and disorganized. It took us another 15 minutes just to order after waiting so long. My wife asked the waitress if she liked a certain burger and she just shook her head and said in a non-caring voice, "I don't know, I haven't had it." It was clear that, in order to keep up with the high demand, the company sacrificed service, the most important part of the experience. 

All the food needed to be ordered at the same time (drink, apps, meal, and shake) so the server would only need to touch the table once in order to move on to the next batch of suckers-- I mean customers. In my case this meant that they brought out my beer, appetizer, entree, and gourmet shake all at the same time. You had guests having to choose to enjoy their delicious craft beer or eat their meal, or dive into their milkshake before it all melted away because of the restaurant's lack of organization. I mean, it was all over the place. When my wife caught sight of the on-coming milkshake (which was making its way to us before our burger salads), she quickly asked our waitress if the milkshake could wait. After all, if a toddler catches sight of a gigantic ice-cream sculpture oozing with chocolate chips, how much of her dinner do you think she'll have? That's right: none. Plus add that to the tantrum thrown when said mountain of ice-cream is placed before her and we enforce that she should finish her meat patty. Yeah, as my wife would say, "hell no." Luckily, the young woman making the shakes caught sight of our anxious faces and held off on the shake (she later confided in us that she did this because she, too, is a parent).  

 Finally, the big moment came: Black Tap Shake Time. After the ooh's and aah's of our dessert's entrance, I quickly realized the shake was mostly whipped cream and chocolate syrup. The straw was too short to start drinking it because the whipped cream was overflowing. I tried taking a sip at first and got smothered by the white foam. I started digging through this sugary mountain just so I could taste the shake. It had an ice cream sandwich stuck on the glass which was nice to toss in the shake, but then I lost all of the whipped cream in the after splash. The chocolate chip cookie was good... my daughter certainly liked it... but was it worth the two-hour wait and bad service? Besides, trying to drink this thing was ridiculous and we could have saved two hours by just ordering the shake to go and avoiding the $15 worth of  decorative glass.

The burgers were good, but not worth the wait. The space was poorly utilized as most of their downstairs tables were open (possible hype-tactic?). The company clearly did not know how to function with large volumes. The experience was downgraded to meet the high demand rather than upgraded to keep customers coming back.

Social-Experience
So many people were snapping photos of their food and posting them online, including my party. I asked my brother about his experience and he said that his burger was delicious, but he would never come back. This was a one time thing. He tried to justify the bad service however, saying that my expectations were too high for just a bar. Maybe he is right but in my experience, it's the service that changes the game from "one-time-thing" to loyal customer. 

It's amazing how much money people spend on the illusion of an experience. They see others post photos of these shakes and make the decision that they are worth standing in line for because participating in the online experience with others is attractive. To my disappointment, they were just shakes. In the experience economy, the consumer's experience is all that matters. Within the social-experience economy, however, it is about the illusion, something that acts as a social media status changer. The illusion experience makes the food taste better because your mind believes it has to be this good. The experience of posting it online and sharing it with celebrities like the Weeknd is what satisfies the consumer more than the actual product and service does. And to contribute to the social-experience economy, I've had more satisfaction writing this blog than actually eating at Black Tap. They got me. The big question is what will happen to the service industry if consumers only care about the illusion more than the live experience? Will the stories about the illusion become more impactful than the stories of genuine service? Instagram and Snapchat may have proven they have.

In case I wasn't clear, Black Tap is not worth the wait... but if you wanna chance it and participate in the social-experience it provides then be sure to grab a slice of pizza while you are in line and remember to not bring a toddler!

P.S. Miami Locals will enjoy Spring Chicken much more than Black Tap with no wait, tastier food, and decent shakes! 
If you are a carnivore and are looking for a good burger joint, check out my buddies blog! Burgersandtech.com



How the Film "Inside Out" Increases Emotional Intelligence

I started writing this review last summer and never finished it because I didn't feel like I was on the right track. Initially I wanted it to be about how the film portrayed a false message; emotions control you. I wasn't satisfied with what I was writing, so instead of analyzing my work, I pushed it aside and tried not to think about it. When it came out on iTunes last November, I thought about writing it again, but still pushed it aside. When it won the Oscar for best animated feature this year, I again thought about getting back into this review. It kept coming to my mind, but nothing came of it.

I lost my connection to the film...until last week. During a training program I was leading I had my group take an emotional intelligence test. Emotional Intelligence is defined simply as the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and use emotions. I forgot I had a clip from "Inside Out" in my presentation under the heading "Emotions Work Together". I added it to the slideshow immediately after I saw the film last summer, but never played it for a group because we would usually run out of time. This particularly class was ahead of schedule though, so I played it. It was the concluding scene of the film where Riley,12, comes back home from running away and reveals to her parents how much she missed her old life in Minnesota. She embraces her sadness fully for the first time in her life and breaks down.

As I was watching this clip, I started to remember the films's impact on me a year ago...and started to cry! In front of the entire training group here I was, their leader, crying my eyes out. It was my "Puppy in a Cup" moment. Luckily, some of the women were crying too.

But as my lip quivered for the fourth time, it came to me. I repressed writing this blog just as Riley repressed the emotion of sadness. The movie is about repression not about how your emotions control you. Repressing an emotion is just as bad as allowing your emotions to govern your actions, which is why I always cry at the end of the film "Warrior".

Emotional Intelligence
Emotions can get the best of us, not only at a young age as they are developing. Adults repress emotions all the time allowing them to build up and explode over the most innocent of victims, like a sweet old lady or your two year old daughter after she asks you to play "Let it Go" for the one millionth time. We will give into these repressed emotions at one point because the load to is too heavy. This is where emotional intelligence comes in.

Emotional Intelligence is something you can begin practicing now and "Inside Out" provides a visual guide to help you achieve it. There are five stages to developing EI (Emotional Intelligence); Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Self-Motivation, Interpersonal Communication, and Emotional Mentoring. I want to focus on just the first two, SelfAwareness and Self-Management, to make my point in this review, but encourage you to read Emotional Intelligence 2.0 to help you achieve a higher emotional quotient for your own personal development.

Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness is the most important step. It involves simply becoming aware of what you are feeling and allowing yourself to feel an emotion physically. You cannot repress the emotion, which is what Riley was doing for the first two acts of the film. She repressed Sadness, I use a capital "S" because emotions are characters in this film. Sadness was being repressed by Joy the entire movie. Joy did not allow Sadness to help Riley through her daily life. Sadness became a repressed emotion for her. On her first day at a new school though, that emotion exploded.

While Riley was introducing herself in class, she had a "sadness spurt". Overwhelmed by Joy's  pressure to constantly fill Riley with happiness, a wave of sadness came flooding in. She started to cry in front of her class mates about how much she missed her old life (Puppy in a Cup Again). Even Sadness, the character, said she had no control over what she was doing when she started turning all of Riley's bright yellow joyful memories into soft blue sad ones.

It sounds childish, but is actually very accurate to what happens internally when we repress an emotion. I am a very patient person, but my patience comes with emotional repression. I grew up repressing my thoughts and feelings because I was never taught otherwise. I've seen my brother repress his anger for years at some of our family members because he was never taught how to handle emotional crises.

Several months ago I saw a father scald his 8 month old son for crying at the zoo. He lifted his son off the floor and said, "Stop crying! Men don't cry!" Sadly, this parenting mentality still exists and teaches children to repress their feelings at an early age. No wonder men have so many commitment issues!

Self-Awareness is all about feeling. There is nothing wrong with feeling an emotion, even if that emotion is fear or anger. The whole point of feeling the emotion is so you can decide the appropriate response to it. If you cannot feel an emotion you cannot react to it properly. Think of a glove and a needle. Have you ever tried to sew with a glove on? It makes it very difficult to thread the needle because you cannot feel it. We tend to wear emotional gloves over our hearts that make it difficult for us to thread the needle of our emotional responses. Consistent repression leads to emotional numbness and this is what happens to Riley when her emotions go out the tube... literally they go out a tube and into another facet of her brain.

Self-Management
As Riley's emotional numbness sinks in, she starts making poor decisions and acts out of character. She talks back to her parents, she steals her mother's credit card, and ultimately tries to run away. She begins to lack Self-Management. Plainly stated, Self-Management is the ability to manage your emotions, control impulses, and shake off bad moods. If Self-Awareness is the  needle, then Self-Management is the hand croqueting your emotional decisions. Without this technique, it is very difficult to act decisively.

I always see a pattern when I give others their emotional intelligence test. Many have high self-awareness scores, but low self-management scores. There is a connection between the two because the more you allow yourself to feel the more emotions you will have to manage appropriately with increasing difficulties. If we are an open door to emotions then we must learn to sleep on big emotional decisions before making them. Riley is an emotional door because she is a child. Children are still learning how to respond to emotions and that is why they take over her so often. Joy tries to become the ultimate emotional manager for Riley, but ends up repressing other emotions that don't make Riley happy rather then manage each individual crises.

Emotional Dictators

Why does it seem like the emotions are controlling the characters? Because there exists a lack of self management here especially within the adults. Riley's dad showcases this when he loses his temper with her over dinner. Without much conflict he allows his anger to control his decisions when Riley talks back. The emotionally intelligent thing to do would have been for him to ask why she was acting out of character rather than allowing his anger to fuel hers. The film can be read that our emotions control us and there is nothing we can do about it.

However, we are not our emotions. We are so much more than that. Emotions can be great enablers for our lives, but they are not the final decision maker in our lives. There is something higher that allows us to freely choose to act on an emotion or surpass it, just like desires. If we ate overtime we felt a little hungry then we would be eating all the time. If we had sex overtime we felt the urge, we would be in a lot of trouble. We have to learn how to control desires and most of us can do that.

Emotions are no different than those desires. We first must ask ourselves where is the emotion coming from, what am I feeling, and most importantly,  why am I feeling it? Emotions are not the dictators in your brain, if that were the case you would be enslaved by them. You know people in your lives who are enslaved by emotions.

Conclusion
I really enjoyed this film from the inside out. I even liked how the emotions themselves had emotions. It showcases a world of intrinsic beauty inside each human person. I believe watching this film with your child and explaining it to them opens up the door for a natural and authentic relationship about emotions and the things they are feeling. A child may use this film as an excuse whenever they act out of anger though. So, they must be taught that feeling anger is okay, but they have the choice to manage it rather than repress it. And you must provide them with the tools to do so.

Further reading on Inside Out and Emotional Intelligence

Sara Bareilles’ recent single comes from her new musical “Waitress”, with it’s story adapted from the 2007 award-winning Indie Film. The musical centralizes on a waitress, who strategizes a way to leave her abusive husband, but finds herself pregnant with his child in the planning process. With an innate talent for conceptualizing and baking beloved pies for her patrons, her identity lies sandwiched between her impressive pastry skills and the cowardly use of a man who can’t love. 

The song “She Used to be Mine” is the musical’s ballad baked into a melodic pie of brutal self reflection. Whether you have seen the movie or listened to the tracks released on Bareilles' new album, “She Used to be Mine” attempts to pry open that emotional coffin you buried a piece of your soul in. 

I’ll give you four minutes to listen to the song… 

Now here is a breakdown of how it relates to you (mostly me though…maybe you too). 

Brokenness
“She is broken and won’t ask for help”
Brokenness is something we can all relate to because well...we are all broken. Jenna, the main character, sings about her unwillingness to seek help within the shattered confines of her marriage. I’ve always had trouble understanding why some people stay in abusive relationships until I looked at my own self-pity. I can be extremely hard on myself especially when I fall into the common misbehaviors of my damaged character. I repeat mistakes, often wondering if I’ll ever learn from them. My brokenness is rooted in fear and am willing to bet that much of your brokenness is rooted in the same; fear of facing your past, fear of change, fear of responsibility, fear of your own thoughts, fear of pain, fear of being alone, fear of losing someone, fear of losing yourself, fear of being loved and not being loved.

Jenna is afraid for the entirety of the story. She is afraid of never being loved and never loving in return; true love, not feared love as coerced by her egotistical husband. That fear began when she lost her mother, a woman who showed her that baking can be as artistically enriching to taste as the Dome of St. Peter’s Basilica is to absorb with your sight. Tragedy is difficult to recover from once it sinks its roots into the heart with unpronounced emotional numbness. Once you are numb, it’s easy to stay in an abusive relationship. One is convinced that it is better not to feel anything than to face the internal combustion that is the grieving process.

Jenna sings, "Most days I don't recognize me." She is holding on to her brokenness by dwelling on a past identity. We are not always the best version of ourselves in our most fondest memories and sometimes those admirable traits we have will alter. While our core identity remains in tact, the surrounding elements will shift. By trying to get back to a single time in our past we don't leave room for the necessary transformation of our heart’s authentic self. But as Jenna discovers at the end of the play "Everything Changes”, including those traits that made up the identity she once desired. 

Life is Alive
“Sometimes life just slips in through a back door and carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true.”
Wow, how brutally honest is this lyric? When looking back on my life I can say there have been times when life carved out an identity that was false and convinced me it's who I was. Without self confidence, I believed that the repeated opinions of others was all I was made to be. This lyric is all about taking control of life before it takes control of you. Life of course is alive. It’s a garden waiting to be pruned or else prepared to grow wild wherever it likes.

When I was 10 years old my friend’s Michael and Matt had a picnic table in their backyard. One day they were playing on it (or something) and it broke. Rather than fess up, they blamed it on me. I wasn’t even there! That did not stop their mom from forcing a false confession out of me. She sat me down in her kitchen and told me that I needed to admit what I did or I would never be able to play with my friends again. She promised their wouldn’t be any repercussions If I just admitted it. It would have been nice if Mike and Matt had given me a heads up about this, but they didn’t. So instead of embracing an identity of honesty and self-worth, I admitted to a crime I never committed just so I would not lose my friends. She convinced me of admitting to something that was not true and it rooted into my identity. I started having a fear of authority from that point on. This is an example of how “sometimes life just slips in through a back door and carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true.”

Even at a young age, even when we may think it doesn’t matter, even at the loss of friend’s, one cannot forfeit their identity. The outcome is immense as one develops their character.  

The Back to the Future Syndrome
“If I’m honest I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two.” 

I find myself thinking of times in my past that I would like to go back to and relive with the knowledge I have now. I want to prevent myself from making irrational choices in desperation of avoiding the pain of emotional consequences. I know; however, that because of former bad decisions I have achieved a much more valued character. I also know that because I persevered through those challenges I have become a better version of myself. I am a better person because of those mistakes. Yet, I still won't hesitate to travel back in time like Marty McFly and change my past even if it means affecting my future. That's what I call BFS or Back to the Future Syndrome. The goodness in our lives is shadowed by the dark scars in our past.

This song is Jenna's BFS moment. She cannot see the goodness residing inside her because she is consumed by thoughts of a "girl she once knew”. This is a plea for identity, an S.O.S. to the inner life, brought about by the unrecognized life force within her. We all have a life force that we have abandoned and are searching for again.

Jenna's life force is her unborn child motivating her to become stronger. Your life force may be an untapped talent, your passion for justice, or the yearning for unconditional love. Life forces are transformation makers. Jenna accepts that her old self is gone and a new identity outshines the old. Her transition from a motherless child to the mother of a child changes everything. Mother is who she is and how she now thrives as she sings to her newborn in the final song of the musical "And who I was has disappeared, it doesn't matter now you're here, so innocent...And I swear I'll remember to say we were both born today." She Used to be Mine is a song that wants Jenna to cling to the past, but the following song, Everything Changes prepares her for the new future, one that transcends her past self. Think of a snake, it cannot fit into its old skin once it's been shed. As Jesus put it, you cannot place new wine into old wine skins. You cannot cling to an identity you no longer have, but must seek for the transformative life force within. 

Bareilles bridges a gap between pop and musical that has been missing for a long time. The song speaks volumes in context of it’s story, but holds it’s own as a pop single. Enjoy!



I had the opportunity to take my daughter to watch Finding Dory for Father's Day. It was her very first movie at the theaters and my wife and I were a bit nervous of how she would behave through it, but she did surprisingly well. Since she loves Finding Nemo, she was captivated by the familiar characters and fell in love with a few of the new ones, namely Hank the "Ock-a-pus", which she kept repeating after the film (and everyday since…like ten times). 

I was caught up by this story with preexisting positive emotions. Finding Nemo was the first movie I took my little sister to see with my very first paycheck when she was 8 years old. Watching the sequel now with my daughter and having it be her first trip to the movies was heartwarming. Mix that with the opening scene of Dory losing her parents and it makes for some serious waterworks.  

While I don't want this to be a spoiler review, I do want to express the importance of the story’s three parts, it’s theme of child disability and the ingrained lesson of self-reliance. 

In this film Dory gets caught in the Marine Life Institute, an animal hospital/natural habitat exhibit. Through the Institute’s loudspeakers the audience hears the voice of actor and spokesperson Sigourney Weaver repeating the company’s mission statement: rescue, rehabilitation, and release. These stages not only emphasize the process for helping disabled animals, but serve as a euphemism for a child's process of becoming self-reliant despite the challenges or handicaps that may have been placed on them physically, mentally, and/or emotionally. It's a tremendous message that speaks to the heart of parent and child alike. 

Rescue
Rescuing is a prevalent theme in the story for our leading characters. In Finding Nemo we witness a child in need of physical rescue from exterior forces, and a parent's need for rescue from an internal force: the inability to let go.  Dory helps Marlin rescue his son Nemo, who was taken by a scuba diving dentist who claimed to have discovered Nemo struggling for his life out on the reef and "rescued" him. The dentist noticed Nemo's little fin, the disability he was born with, and believed he needed to be rescued when in fact Nemo was simply proving to his friends, his dad, and himself that his disability was not a hindrance to him by swimming a far distance to touch the diver's boat.

We see this same idea of rescue being played out again in the sequel. In Finding Dory,  young Dory is in need of not just physical rescue, but mental rescue. Dory was born with her own disability (short term memory loss). She never truly learned to manage it due to the involuntary separation from her parents. One year after Dory’s adventure with Marlin in Finding Nemo, she gets lost on a new journey to find her parents. Through her journey she discovers that she can rescue herself and manage her own disability. Even though she is at times fearful of being alone and possibly forgetting her mission, she still does not allow her disability to get the best of her as it did so many times in the past.

Parents want to rescue their children, not just from disabilities, but from everything. It feels natural to protect them. There were some tense moments in the movie when my daughter got scared and turned around to cling to my neck. Her tight grip made we feel like a rescuer. As the movie illustrates though, children will one day need to learn how to rescue themselves, which Dory demonstrates when she learns the skill of self-analysis to help aid her memory. She does not need to be mentally rescued anymore, but becomes self-reliant enough to be the rescuer, as she has proven to Marlin during the first movie and proves now to herself in the sequel. 

Rehabilitation 
Rehabilitation means to restore to health or former life after imprisonment or illness. The preparation of this process often takes place outside the normal living quarters. Nemo's rehabilitation came after spending time in the "eternal bonds of tank hood" with the dentist's aquarium fish. Marlin rehabilitated after his long adventure across the ocean looking for his son. In Finding Dory, the blue tang fish had to go back home to rehabilitate. She was a nomad without a home for a long time and could never learn to become self-reliant without the support of her family and friends. 

Children need the love of their family to encourage them and empower them. Without this, a child lacks an important tool in developing independence. Dory could never find someone to care enough about her to help her rehabilitate, until she met Marlin and Nemo. The familial bond created among the group sparked a deep memory of her actual family. Inspired by this powerful memory, Dory begins her rehabilitation process. 

Release
As I was holding my daughter in the theater, It struck me that one day I would have to release her into the world and she will have to learn how to make healthy choices regardless of anything holding her back. 

What a most difficult job this is for a parent! We tend to be just like Marlin who yearns to protect his son from the "big bad ocean" and who worries about Dory's disability getting in her way. Knowing that you cannot always be there to protect them, even those who struggle with a disability, is the rehabilitation process of all parents.  Parents know that establishing good healthy habits is key to self-sufficiency. Finding Dory showcases this brilliantly by allowing the audience to witness Dory's parents create consistent habits from early childhood. They sing songs to her (Just Keep Swimming), they place shells across the ocean that lead to their home and remind her to follow the shells if she ever gets lost, and most importantly they repeat this process. By repeating these healthy habits they bypass her short term memory and sink in to her pre-frontal cortex (or whatever part of the brain that can hold habits for a fish) which ultimately brings her back to her family in the end. 

Habits are powerful in children.  I witnessed a habit loop play out in front of my eyes with my two year old daughter last weekend. My wife and I have done our best to stick to a routine when it comes to putting her to bed. She eats dinner, she takes a bath, she brushes her teeth, she says her prayers, she reads a book, and then she walks to her bed to fall asleep. It may not be 100% perfect every time and we may alter the sequence slightly, but last weekend I saw how my daughter’s brain works when it comes to habits.

As I was feeding her in her chair my wife was reading the news update regarding the tragedy in Orlando. We suddenly stopped to pray, offering a moment of silence for the victims and their families. We said a “Hail Mary”, which is the prayer we usually say right before we put her to bed. She participated as she usually does and closed the prayer with her ominous “AMEN” swinging her hands over her head and chest to make the form of a squiggly cross. My wife suggested to add an “Our Father” as well, but Imma’s brain immediately began to go through her habitual routine. She stopped eating and insisted on reading a book. With her “Kite” book close at hand, she grabbed it flipped through the pages and immediately said the word “bed” pointing to her room. She was ready and willing to go to bed at that exact moment. It was because of our consistent practice of routine (steps of sleeping) and reward (sleep) that propelled her forward even when it wasn’t time to go to bed. 

Conclusion

Finding Dory is a beautiful extension to a film layered with emotionally charged parental suffering and decision making. It's a permanent reminder that a disability is only as crippling as one makes it out to be. With the proper support network and intrinsic motivation, self reliance can be attainable for those whom others deem it impossible. 

P.S. I haven't even discussed the slap in the face the movie makes to Sea World. Rescue, Rehabilitate, and Release. Think about that in terms of Sea World. 

Further Reading
How to break habits or create new habits.
Finding Dory and Sea World 
Black Fish’s Impact 



There once was a magical, but devastating dragon who destroyed an entire kingdom. It swooped in from the sky one sunny morning and breathed its fiery breath upon stone, steel, flesh, and bone. The dragon annihilated all of it's visible enemies and rested on the plunder that it took from the kingdom's golden vault.

Beneath the ruins of this visible kingdom resided yet another kingdom, a kingdom of lowly Ants, suffering from the unbearable heat brought on by the fire above. With their home in danger, the Queen Ant surfaced out of her colony into the ruins to come face-to-face and speak to the dragon. Her tiny body was barely seen by the monster as she stood on the tip of it's nose. She told the dragon of the carnage he was ensuing on a species who had nothing he wanted and plead for him to cease his torment.

The dragon did not listen. He sneered and told her that an Ant was too small a creature to concern itself with the affairs of war. Out of spite, he pierced the soil with one of his thick claws and blew an enormous fireball into the ground destroying her kingdom before her eyes. With the Queen Ant holding onto the thick scale of the dragon's nose, both eyes menacingly turned to her tiny body as he said, "I think you should tend to your dead your Majesty."

The queen scurried off the dragon's nose and returned to her kingdom only to find it now resembling the ruins of the human kingdom above. Looking upon the incinerated bodies of her children and people, she gathered the 12 tribes of the underground Ant Kingdom which stretched forth 2,000 miles in all directions. There she pitched her plan to remove the dragon.

Several weeks passed by and the dragon rested in a deep sleep. It did not notice the army approach because it came from beneath. Five million ants from each tribe positioned themselves under the dragon and lifted with the indelible strength only a creature like themselves possessed. They marched 300 miles south with the dragon upon their backs until they reached a steep bank with a cavernous ocean below.

As the dragon continued sleeping the ants waited for the sun to retire and the moon to show its full face. The ants knew that magical dragons hid from direct moonlight. When the moon was at it's brightest the ants carried the dragon off the bank in solidarity. The dragon fell hitting rock and stone on the way down. It awoke mid-fall, but upon making contact with the moon it became paralyzed and could not flap it's wings.

It crashed into the water and was pinned under the current. The dragon struggled to escape the moon's rays, but it did not let up as it shone thicker through the water. There it drowned within the confines of its watery prison. One by one, the ants that had fallen over with him began to emerge from the water and make their way back up the steep bank to praise their queen for destroying the dragon.

The Queen Ant gathered her community that night and told them that all praise goes to the moon for its natural defense against the enemies of the earth.

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