Dear McDonald’s - A Thank You Note

Dear McDonald’s - A Thank you Note

Thank you McDonalds for artistically telling us millennials that all along we have been eating second hand chicken turds processed inside a brown potato sack-like cover you call a breaded coating. 

(Drives up to the drive-thru)

Thank you for believing that we are gullible enough to fall for your artistic rouse thus allowing ourselves to once again be placed under your spell through your new commercial which acts as a reminder of how delicious our childhood obesity was beneath your Arches. 

(Places the order, "Only 20 piece huh? You don't have a 50 piece bucket?")

Thank you for insisting that we pass along our addiction to our offspring in hopes that they too will have a place to demand us to take them when our spaghetti sauce is runny or just anytime we put them in a car. 

("Okay, just give me two 20's and a four piece for my kid. Sauce?”)

Thank you McDonalds for your authenticity in admitting you have poisoned us for years by using the adverb "now" in your new chicken nugget tag line, "NOW with real white meat and no preservatives”. What about then?! 

("Sweet and Sour all day!")

Thank you for your consistently masked belligerence in your advertising through the use of Olympians who are probably eating a vegan burger cooked on Jason Mraz's farm instead of that heart attack you call a Big Mac. 

(Bites into a nugget and sheds a tear.)

And finally, thank you McDonalds for proving that you don’t need a clown in your ads anymore to remind us of who we are as your patrons.  

(Guiltily admits he preferred the nuggets with the GMO’s. Nothing like the classics.)